We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
