I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
