God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
