Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
