so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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