so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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