I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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