the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
