I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
