Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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