Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it glows. i had to have it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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