Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
