Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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