she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So much Jack, so little girl.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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