I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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