Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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