"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
barbara walters just said penis...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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