he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
