if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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