Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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