Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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