your parents love me but you hate me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
