at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
