hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
