I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
