I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
