Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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