Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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