If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
