paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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