dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
