just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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