only if we run a train.
done.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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