The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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