What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So. Much. Porn.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
