Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
