i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
