Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
