I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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