I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
