I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
