new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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