Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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