i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
