I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
