Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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