I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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