I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
