They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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