I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
