that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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