Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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