Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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