ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
