i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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