I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
