remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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