I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize