I haven't been this sober since birth.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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