Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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