if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
