Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
