Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
