I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
