My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
