I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
