have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
