i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize