Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
