did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
