i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Are we still banned from the library?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
