A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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