So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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