He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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