True but thats because hes a fetus.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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