We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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