somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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