I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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