i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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