I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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